the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
