I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
