Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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