you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i have two assholes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
