i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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