Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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