yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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