I accidentally had phone sex last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
