I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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