I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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