dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize