so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
