he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
