Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
