So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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