Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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