Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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