Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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