I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
