No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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