She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
