HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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