How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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