What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
