Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
