i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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