Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
