I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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