um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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