think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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