toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
