if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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