Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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