you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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