was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
