last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
