closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
