Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
