Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
