If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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