When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
