Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
