are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do vagina's smell?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
