best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
