she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
