How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
