you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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