I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
