I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
