I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
