he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
