Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
