Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
