Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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