I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
