I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
