Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
