I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
