Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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