I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
