i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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