the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
