remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
