Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
