I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
