Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
