If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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