Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
