So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
