We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
