if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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