Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
