Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
