I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
