He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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