Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
