She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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