her vagine was all disorganized.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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