It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
