dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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