i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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