I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
