Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
