Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
