Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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