I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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