The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
